I had lost some things along the way. I ventured through areas of torment and suffering, paying dues. . . paying with what I had incubated in my consciousness; priceless; stumbling to land there.
I am not alone in this loss–wouldn’t you agree?
The untouchable balance of Yin and Yang, when challenged, casts an invitation by some psychic beacon to lure whatever presence is wandering the void of dimensional space-time.
As my weakness allowed, a deeper darkness masterfully found refuge in my own rotted cavities where the goodness, wonder and innocence had been ripped or snatched, or perhaps withered in some nightmare I wasn’t equipped to control–I had become the host for that writhing, dark heaviness that wasted no time to nourish lavishly: Devouring that rotted cavity.
Somedays we look in the mirror and we see ourselves together. . .
Do you know that feeling?
My day started out with this international SMS text: “Can I get my money back? I’m super poor now! — KEDISON!!
It was nearly midnight for him there in Shenzhen and in the late morning, stateside.
I took a few hours to remember the moment he abandoned me in Hong Kong as my Chinese VISA had some issue with expiring just an hour previous to the entering the queue for re-entry.
I was completely alone there and the officers really made me leave the port of travel. I waited for hours for a taxi and I was finally dropped off at a place I could stay for a few hours of the night.
I didn’t see Kedison for weeks after that. I had wondered why he did that; to leave a boyfriend stranded in Hong Kong.
My answer to his text today was,”I tried to send but u blocked me everywhere, remember?”
I transferred 95 dollars to his Alipay account.
No, I don’t actually owe him anything. I just wanted to give him something since he seemed to be in such desperation to have to text me about it.
He yelled at me some more and then blocked me again.
This is the life that I should tell you more about.